Good Morning
by No One Reads Bad Fanfics
Summary: It's the morning after and Chuck and Blair have a little conversation about that morning, last night, and some future plans. It's witty, or at least in my opinion it is. Read and Review.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing!

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"Good morning"

"Correction, great morning,"

"I wouldn't necessarily call it great,"

"I mean last night,"

"So do I,"

"Ooh, I think that just hurt my feelings,"

"How can you hurt something you don't have?"

"I'm beginning to enjoy our conversation,"

"I'm not. I thought we agreed we would never do this again,"

"No, you agreed we would never do this again, I simply chose to ignore what you said,"

"Why?"

"I don't know, maybe I find this pleasurable,"

"You can't think it will work,"

"What will work?"

"Us,"

"I don't want an us. We tried an 'us' before and that did not go well. I want sex, and I know you do as well. I know you've been dying to find someone who can live up to me in that area of, um, expertise. Let me tell you now, babe, you aren't going to find anyone better than me,"

"Go fuck yourself,"

"Why would I need to do that? I already have a slut in the room,"

"That's harsh,"

"But it is true. Come on, how many times have you done the deed recently?"

"That is none of your business, sir,"

"That many times? Shame. What ever happened to the teenager who was saving herself?"

"You can't save something that's already gone,"

"I just love your combination of self pity and sarcasm,"

"And I hate your combination of arrogance and pride,"

"There's a thin line between love and hate,"

"I don't plan on crossing it,"

"You already have,"

"Are you implying that I love you?"

"Why imply what I already know?"

"You can't love a pig,"

"I can't but you do,"

"I do not,"

"Face it, babe, you want me,"

"Bastard,"

"Sexy bitch,"

"I really do wish you'd just shrivel up and die,"

"I'd surely be seeing you in hell shortly after,"

"You are a bloody idiot,"

"Bloody? Has someone been watching _Harry Potter_ again?"

"Uhh!"

"I love that noise. It means you're either very happy or very angry. I believe in this case it is the latter. If you're mad you can always hit me, I'm just a bad little boy who needs to be punished. Punish me, Mommy?"

"I am not your mother,"

"Good thing, fucking your mother is frowned upon,"

"I loathe you,"

"Way to expand your vocabulary. Loathe, that one is new. Have you been listening to musicals again or are you just naturally so poetic?"

"I'm leaving,"

"No, you're not,"

"And I'm never coming back,"

"I doubt it,"

"Why?"

"Because you won't leave. You don't want to,"

"How would you know what I want?"

"I'm Chuck Bass, I know what everyone wants,"

"I'm not your normal everyone,"

"Of course not. Not many normal people spend two hours waiting for their quote unquote one night stand to wake up so they can yell at them,"

"I wasn't waiting to yell at you. I am only still here because I can not find my clothes,"

"Well, don't think I know where they are, I was in a haze of alcohol and white chocolate last night,"

"White chocolate?"

"Yes, it's not really chocolate but I love it anyway,"

"Are you talking about the candy or something else?"

"The candy, get your mind out of the gutter woman! Or, you can keep it there and we can have some fun,"

"Just, just help me find my clothes,"

"What's wrong with what you have on?"

"I'm wearing your bathrobe,"

"You're right. It's hideous, it must go,"

"Find my clothes and it will,"

"I'd rather you lose it before we get the clothes,"

"I'd rather you shut the hell up but I guess neither are happening right now,"

"…"

"Why are you quiet now?"

"…"

"Hello?"

"…"

"Say something!"

"I shut up, now lose the robe,"

"You're such a perv,"

"And proud of it, babe,"

"I'm going,"

"Dressed like that?"

"Yes, it's rather lovely, don't you think?"

"You sure had a change of heart. A second ago you were complaining about it, but then again I see why. The number of women who have put that on and all the things that have been on it over the years, not to mention when I-oh, I see you've changed,"

"Just help me find a shirt,"

"I would but I am simply loving the view,"

"The only view you'll have is of the inside of your skull if you don't look,"

"You are pretty damn sexy when you're angry, babe,"

"Well, I'm not angry,"

"Ah, good thing beauty is only skin deep,"

"Did you really just say that? I never thought you could say something os intellectual and so unlike you. I half expected you to say something that was rude and insulting. That has to the best thing you've said in years,"

"I thought the best thing I said was to get the whipped cream,"

"…are you high?"

"Yes, I am. Witty banter is my drug and you, dearest delicious, are my favorite dealer,"

"If I'm a dealer, where's my profit?"

"Oh, you got yours last night, and boy did you love it,"

"I did no such thing,"

"Oh, God, oh yes, oh, God, oh yes! Faster! Harder! Ahhhhhhhh!"

"You're despicable,"

"I just love your Daffy Duck, let's see Bugs Bunny,"

"What's up, dick?"

"You Waldorf women are so interesting, although, I must say your mother isn't nearly as amusing,"

"You take that back! You have never been with my mother,"

"Sure about that?"

"…"

"Well, best be on your way, you only have a few hours,"

"Until what?"

"Breakfast with the boyfriend,"

"Oh, God!"

"Wow, you make that noise a lot these days,"

"Shut up!"

"You said that last night too,"

"And you wonder why I broke up with you,"

"Not really,"

"Huh?"

"I don't wonder. I know why you broke up with me and I also know why you keep coming back,"

"And why, may I ask, is that?"

"Curiosity,"

"I never took you for a pirate type,"

"You were foolish enough to take me for a romantic type, why is this a surprise?"

"I was young and foolish then,"

"I stated that and it was only six months ago,"

"I've grown since then,"

"I know one part of you certainly has, or should I say two?"

_Ring! Ring!_

"I should get that,"

"Don't,"

"Why not?"

"It'll be him again and he's sure to want an explanation for the note,"

"What note?"

"The note that said you were running away to France,"

"Where on Earth would he get a note like that?"

"From me, I slipped it into his mailbox,"

"Why would you lie like that?"

"I wasn't lying, you are running away to France, with me, I just thought I'd warn him in advance,"

"What makes you think I'd go anywhere with you?"

"It's a free trip, I bought tickets, and your father is there,"

"Are their separate rooms?"

"No,"

"How many beds?"

"One"

"How many nights?"

"As many as you'd like,"

"Do you promise not to try anything with me?"

"Hell to the no,"

"Do you promise not to act like an ass?"

"It's my nature,"

"Do you promise not to bang every woman you see out there?"

"I do not,"

"…"

"Our flight is at midnight,"

"I won't be there,"

"The limo will pick you up at nine,"

"I'll be busy,"

"Your things are already packed,"

"I'll unpack them. Anything else?"

"Where you're standing, you look like an angel,"

"Aww, that's so-"

"No wonder they say looks can be deceiving,"

"Hpmh!"

"Oh, you and those noises,"

"I'm not even going to honor that with a remark,"

"Will you honor me with a quick game?"

"Definitely not!"

"How about a kiss?"

"Only in your dreams,"

"Damn girl, I'll settle for a hug,"

"Well, you aren't getting one,"

"Not even a hug?"

"No way, Jose,"

"Jose? That's not what you called me last night,"

"I'm going to great asking this but what did I call you last night?"

"My favorite was Big Daddy Yum Yum…. Yeah, I know you're leaving,"

"Yes, I'm going to go back to where my love is waiting for me and we will talk about our plans,"

"Then he will say something to upset you,"

"And I will forgive him,"

"Then he will say something else and you will storm off and sulk until nine. My limo will arrive and without giving it a second thought you will get inside and ride down to _Troy's_ where you will rant on about what a dick he is up until your food arrives. You will then consume your body weight in expensive wines, liquors, and cheese fries. We'll get on the flight and by the time we get to France you will be a giant mess. I'll ditch you at your father's for a good three hours before returning so you can throw up on my shoes and snore like a buzzsaw the entire way to our hotel. Did I miss anything?"

"You forgot the part where I sing karaoke on the restaurant tables but I will forgive you,"

"So, see you at nine?"

"Maybe you will, maybe you won't, who's to say he won't do something right for once?"

"I am!"

"Fine, fine, don't get your big boy boxers in a bunch. Will you be waiting at _Troy's_?"

"With bells on,"

"Are you being literal?"

"Yes,"

"Won't that look odd?"

"I didn't say the bells would be on my shoes,"

"…"

"I know, left you breathless again, didn't I?"

"You are truly a horrible human being,"

"I'm a human now? I thought I was a pig's ass,"

_Ring! Ring!_

"I'm not getting that,"

"Why not? It's your Honey Bunny,"

"It would interrupt this, um, good morning,"

"How about we make this morning great?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"It's not my mind you have to worry about,"

"Well, great morning in deed,"

**Fin**

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**Author's Note:** I truly have no idea how the hell this came to mind. I had been wanting to write something all dialogue and then my mom told me good morning over the phone, this was the outcome. Now, review!

-

_Oh, God, oh yes, Oh, God, oh yes_

Told you that's you sound

_Shut up!_


End file.
